A Perfect Sun

“Dune or The Clockwork Orange?” He asked me.
“Dune for sure. Clockwork Orange is SO overrated.” I answered.
“What? Clockwork Orange is art! It’s a masterpiece,” He cried.
“It’s so dumb and unrealistic. And Dune is science fiction’s supreme masterpiece. It says so right on the cover,” I informed him with a straight face.
“Loser,” he said back, giving my stomach a hard poke. “Answer me this: Jenny Jones or Oprah?”
“Duh, Jenny Jones,” I gave back without a thought. “It’s so much funnier. Oprah is so depressing.”
“Is not. I’d pick Oprah. She does such nice stuff for everybody.”
“Softie,” I teased him.
“You know it,” he answered with a grin.
“Okay, okay,” I said through my giggles. “Maury Povich or Jerry Springer?”
“Oh my god,” he replied, shaking his head. “Definitely Jerry. Have you seen the babes on that show? Taking of their shirts and shit? Maury’s a bunch of fat bitches complaining about how they weigh 400 pounds and don’t know who their baby’s dad is.” He paused, then asked, “How about you?”
“Ugh,” I said, rolling onto my back and tossing more pixie stick sugar into my mouth from the cardboard tube. “I’d pick Maury, for sure. I could complain about being fifty pounds overweight. And about how I don’t know who my boyfriend is with nowadays.”
“You are NOT fifty pounds overweight and you know it,” He said in a serious tone, looking down at me from his seat on the log with a small smile. “And obviously your boyfriend is with you since you still call him your boyfriend. I’ve asked you so many times – If you know a relationship is over, why don’t you let it go?”
“I don’t know. I can’t let go of him. It’s just hard. I mean, we were together for what? Over a year. Yeah, we both kind of know it’s over and we won’t get back together. Now that we go to separate schools, we only see each other one night a week. He’s into girls at his own school. We’ve always been so different, anyways. This new girl I think he’s seeing…” My voice trailed off and I bit my lip to keep the next words in, failing. “Well, she’s just-”
“Like him?” He finished for me. “Look, you know that doesn’t matter. Opposites, they’re like…,” he faltered, but I waited patiently. “Like a ying-yang. Totally separate pieces that form a perfect circle when you put them together. And your circle fell apart somewhere along the way. Consider it that way.”
“It’s not that simple, though,” I responded dully, my voice lacking conviction so desperately that even I couldn’t believe myself.
“What’s so hard about it?” He asked intensely. “What? Tell me. You’re making it more complicated than it has to be.”
“Don’t get so offensive, my god,” I said, angry at his tone.
“Sorry. I just don’t see why relationships have to be such a big thing. You either love them or you don’t. Yes, I believe teens have every capacity to love. Yes, I believe that true love can be discovered at any age. Yes, I think you two had something real special once but it just didn’t work out and I’m sorry, okay, Cara? As your friend, I’m advising you to move on. End of story,” he finished breathlessly, and then added gently, “There’s something brighter out there for you. I know it.”
We sat in silence, listening to the waves suck at the edges of the sand. The vast night sky reflected the gentle sea rolling below it. They were so close it appeared that the earth was making love to the stars, that they had no distinction, just one, single graceful being. My toes slid through the cool pebbles below my feet, the sharp edges biting into the soft flesh. Up on the road, fewer and fewer cars passed. I knew my curfew would be approaching soon. But there was a charge between my best friend and me that night. Something I had to discover before I left Rhode Island, before we parted ways beneath that moon.
We’d been friends for awhile. Our passion for hockey had drawn us together and we’d stuck, introduced by two friends on a blind double date where the two of us weren’t really planning on dating. Or I wasn’t. He’d been disappointed when I said there was someone I felt for back home. But we’d talked so much that I felt there was nothing I wanted to hide from him. In just one summer, we’d grown so close. He’d promised to drive down and visit me once school started, though we lived nearly an hour apart. I knew he would, too. But that meant a commitment, didn’t it? And did I want that if it meant ‘seeing’ him.
“Hey,” I broke the silence. “Which one: the dark side of the moon or the other side of the sun?”
He didn’t answer for a few moments. “The other side of the sun, I think…Mostly because no one’s ever been there. Astronauts can go on the dark side of the moon. I could be all alone on the other side of the sun. There’s no one to bug me, no one to boss me around. It’d be your own private world.”
“You want a private world? You want to be alone forever?” I asked softly, propping myself up in the sand to look into his face. His mouth was set in a firm line, shoulders and neck steady and tall. His dark features gave away no thoughts, but at the mention of being alone, I saw a flicker of fear go through his eyes.
“Not all alone. You’d come, too, right? We’re friends until the end, right?” He whispered back, but even as he spoke of our undying friendship, he dropped to the sand beside me on his knees and he kissed me. I knew this was what I had wanted all along. This was why he had agreed to meet me when I had called him in tears. This is why he had comforted me, giving me sugar and coffee to drive out the visions of my
boyfriend and his new girl, the pain of our ‘extended break’ and the harsh reality of my first love coming to a screeching halt before my eyes. Just for this kiss, this one kiss, this one simple thing. And so simple it is, just the meeting of two people on the lips. Why is it so romantic, why is it so wonderful? How could it be so wonderful? I’d had to know, I wanted to know. Now I did.
“Wait,” He said, pulling away. “One more question. Just one more: Me or him?”
I found myself lost for words. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be with him. We were no ying-yang. We were two of the same sides of one magnet. That’s why we could be best friends…or had we ever been just friends?
But as his hand found mine, I couldn’t help but wonder if we could fight the magnetic field separating us, the laws of polar sides holding us back.
Even science has its rules. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
I dropped his hand and got to my feet without a word, making my way to the boardwalk.
“Where are you going?” I heard him call, his voice filled with pain and sorrow, the deepest sadness and betrayal.
     I stopped in my tracks, but didn’t turn to look at him. I didn’t want him to see my hurt, even if my voice gave it away.
     “The other side of the sun,” I said back, and kept on walking.